Welcome to the Dating Game

A few weekends ago I had an obligation of sorts…something you do out of respect for 15 years of friendship, living together, more than likely hooking up with some of the same guys, holding each others hair back while puking, crying, laughing, passing and failing classes, drinking, shots, well you get the picture. In case you haven’t guessed by now, as if all the preceding clues weren’t enough….I know, I know, this isn’t what’s my line…anyway, one of my roommates from college got married and I went to the wedding. Mav, making her guest appearance as Han Solo….All the girls were in attendance, except of course the one we all “wonder” about, (not that there’s anything wrong with that)…apparently she had a soccer game she couldn’t not attend because her assistant coach, who was slated to cover, well her grandmother died…and well….the thing is….the last time there was an event where we were all “supposed” to attend, the same girl’s grandmother died…hmmm…are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yea, I know. I’m jealous too…I went to the event, driving very fast the 3 hours to N.J. (I was of course running late, as usual, suffering from my very serious disease of procrastination or is that laziness…hmm, that is for another post) flying Han Solo and all…And for all of you who knows Maverick…she does NOT like to fly Han Solo, no matter what the occasion…but I suppose in life some things are worth the sacrifice. So, I sat through yet another 5 hours of all of my friends and their husbands talking binkys, bottles, diapers, showing pictures of their 2.5 kids, white picket fences….quick somebody grab me a drink and make it a double. Some would argue that being Han Solo is not all that bad. I mean he did fly the Millennium Falcon, the fastest ship in the galaxy, and in the end he did get the girl (a prospect that seems all too unlikely at this moment) and there is always Chewy (Boa?? Goose?? Where are you girls? Oh yea, boyfriends.) But remember Episode V??? Jaba the Hut? Han did not fare so well then. So there I am smiling and nodding and pretending like I give a shit that little Johnny is finally potty trained…remembering I can’t drink too much, Han was after all flying solo and had to be sober enough to get herself home…when I realize that I am tired of always fending for myself…I am much more fond of being Mav, flying with a wingman. Then I have an epiphany…wingmen are nice and important in life, but what I am in search of is a partner…Somebody to sit next to me at a wedding and nod and smile at these boring stories too and make fun of it all on the way home. Someone who after a while wants to be sitting next to me telling those same stories to some other poor sucker who couldn’t care less. Soooo…I decide it is important to get in the game…and not just play like I’d rather be doing something else, but play for both Park Place and Boardwalk, even with a couple of hotels. Well….Lets meet the contestants…

Bachelor # 1- He’s 34 years old and is a computer consultant who wears black square toed shoes. He likes to drink and go to concerts. He is a big fan of text messaging and he hates people.

Bachelor # 2- He’s 33 years old and designs web sites for a living. He lives in the hood in N.E., doesn’t like drinking {I know what you are all thinking, but it could work} and sometimes blows up my phone. But there is something very nice about him.

Bachelor # 3- He’s 37 years old and sells stuff. He is a James Dean look alike and enjoys making his own wine, drinking it and staying out late. In his spare time he hunts Crouse (apparently a type of bird…doesn’t bode well for the city girl). Lives in a galaxy far far away.

This is somewhat like empanelling a jury. You look for certain qualities, ask questions that probe their thoughts and feelings regarding issues that may or may not prejudice your case. Pick the ones you think are the most sympathetic and hope they don’t have to be excused for bad behavior. Afterwards…your guess is as good as mine. You never know whether a juror is going to find in your favor. Sometimes…the case is looking good. You gave a phenomenal closing argument…and at the last minute the jury has a change of heart. But, I suppose, that is all part of the game and the only way to win it is to be in it.