Why Can't Litigation Be More Like Boxing?
So, I’m not really a fighter pilot, I just play one on t.v. In my real life I am a lawyer, a civil litigator to be exact. I am living in some sort of pseudo Ally McBeal type world where I wear short skirts and really high heels to Court. Hey, it never hurts to show a little leg. Nonetheless, it is much more fun playing the role of Mav and doin it up ghetto style with my girls from Destiny's Child and with guest appearances from all of my other celebrity friends. It is much more fun than being _________, Esq. and saving the world from stupidity. However, much to my chagrin I have discovered that the role of Mav doesn’t pay very well…it actually seems to generate a negative cash flow. Hmmmm, may have to re-evaluate whether I renew my contract for another season.
Anyway…being a lawyer, and actually not really liking it very much, I got to thinking…why can’t litigation be more like boxing??? Wouldn’t it be better if we all took our disputes into the ring? Isn't that how they used to settle disputes in the old days? Think circa Aaron Burr v. Alexander Hamilton, although an updated version. I wonder how many Rocky movies there would now be…Coming soon, Rocky 5 gazillion and 57, staring some stupid guy and some other stupid guy. After all, 99% of the lawsuits filed are because people are just plain stupid.
It would actually be so much fun. Every "fight" (case) would begin like this:
Announcer: “Let’s get ready to rumble! In this corner wearing a lovely St. John’s grey pinstripe and fabulous Manolo Blahnik pumps…(hahaha, I wish.) Weighing an incredibly slim 130 pounds (hey a girl can dream)... " You get the picture.
If people actually had to duke it out, I mean really duke it out…perhaps they would rethink being so stubborn and stupid about things. Of course, wouldn’t that mean that I would be out of a job? Could I play Mav full time? Not likely…but after all, people pay a lot of money to see a good fight and the managers (lawyers) usually make more than the fighters. So I wonder what the prospect of getting the shit kicked out of you would do to those of you who thought it was a good idea to steal someone’s money, or drive like you are the only person on the road or whatever other stupid behavior makes a lawsuit. Whatever it did I know it would be a hellava lot of fun to watch.
Anyway…being a lawyer, and actually not really liking it very much, I got to thinking…why can’t litigation be more like boxing??? Wouldn’t it be better if we all took our disputes into the ring? Isn't that how they used to settle disputes in the old days? Think circa Aaron Burr v. Alexander Hamilton, although an updated version. I wonder how many Rocky movies there would now be…Coming soon, Rocky 5 gazillion and 57, staring some stupid guy and some other stupid guy. After all, 99% of the lawsuits filed are because people are just plain stupid.
It would actually be so much fun. Every "fight" (case) would begin like this:
Announcer: “Let’s get ready to rumble! In this corner wearing a lovely St. John’s grey pinstripe and fabulous Manolo Blahnik pumps…(hahaha, I wish.) Weighing an incredibly slim 130 pounds (hey a girl can dream)... " You get the picture.
If people actually had to duke it out, I mean really duke it out…perhaps they would rethink being so stubborn and stupid about things. Of course, wouldn’t that mean that I would be out of a job? Could I play Mav full time? Not likely…but after all, people pay a lot of money to see a good fight and the managers (lawyers) usually make more than the fighters. So I wonder what the prospect of getting the shit kicked out of you would do to those of you who thought it was a good idea to steal someone’s money, or drive like you are the only person on the road or whatever other stupid behavior makes a lawsuit. Whatever it did I know it would be a hellava lot of fun to watch.
posted by Mav at 3:53 PM
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