Groundhog Day

I've had a few complaints lately that my more recent posts have lacked that signature wit and humor traditionally associated with what goes on in the life inside my mind. Let me explain my recent introspective ramblings. For those of you who don't know...I am taking the Florida bar exam February 21 & 22. Yes, that is this year. This necessarily involves working all day long and studying for the exam in the evening. My life is like groundhog's day....get up in the morning, go to the gym, go to work, go home, go study, go to sleep, get up in the morning, go to the gym...you get the picture.

So the reason for the intospection is that I don't have a lot of material to write about. My social calendar is like a ghost town...picture big balls of tumbleweed blowing through and not a soul in sight...I have even been forgetting my cell phone in the oddest places, like at home, when I go to work or out to study. The reason? I don't want to answer the phone when it rings because I am truly of weak mind...I have lots of trouble staying "in." After all I am the queen butterfly of all social butterflies. I would be out 8 days a week if possible. So limiting myself to one night is like trying to juggle with one hand tied behind your back...it just doesn't work.

However, this is all in an effort to FOCUS...trying to get myself back on the New Year's resolutions. You know its bad, when you have a 4 year old saying..."focus Dee Dee, focus!" Wise guy...but as a consequence, there will be no more Boa & Mav stories, bad date stories, I drank too much stories, or Destiny's Child reunions. At least for the moment. I am all about the studying, which has created some challenges of its own. Namely, finding a place to study whereby I can actually study. A friend of mine asked me why don't you just study at your apartment...Ahhhh no! That is like a child trying to study at Disney Land. All my stuff is there...t.v., stereo, internet, clothes...(I seem to always want to conduct my own private fashion show when I should be studying). I've tried studying everywhere...Starbucks, Cosi, even the local Wine Bar (hehehe...after 3 glasses of a lovely Merlot, I was studying contacts instead of contracts. Needless to say I haven't been back there since.) I think I have finally found a suitable venue, the Border's 5 minutes from home. It seems to be working and it stays open late enough to get a sold 3 or 4 hours a night.

So for everyone who is disappointed by my mundane, rather witless and not really very funny posts...I hope you'll stick with me and remember that today after all is Groundhog day.

Allow myself to introduce...myself

So a couple of nights ago I was talking on the phone with my bf and I was telling her the story of the busy guy... I was mightily upset and annoyingly disappointed when the busy guy showed up at my house only to tell me that he is too busy to date and he is sorry and he promises that things will be different in about a month or so and he doesn't expect me to wait around for him...even he understands the demands my celebrity lifestyle puts on my time...You know the usual *bs* a guy gives you when he is trying to break it off--drama free--and go home feeling great about himself. But this story is not about how the busy guy gave me a one-way ticket to dumpsville...it is really about how you perceive yourself in the face of how other people do. So, I am telling my bf what happened and she says the following:

Bf: Now, Mav don't go getting into one of your ask a million questions mode and start asking him about it.
Mav: I didn't, I mean I don't do that...(thinking...Jeez, what kind of a tool does that kind of crap...definitely not me!)
Bf: Yes you do. You do it all the time. Especially when you don't understand something you just keep asking the person questions about it every time you talk to them.
Mav: (thinking...holy shit! Say it ain't so....I can't be THAT girl...can I?) What are you talking about...have we just met? I don't do that to people...
Bf: Well you do it to me ALL THE TIME...But its ok, its a good thing. (Wincing in anticipation of the constant barrage of questions that is sure to follow that comment...)
Mav: (Its a good thing???? Sounds like a very annoying thing to me...But I don't, I couldn't, it can't...) Well if I do, I am really sorry about that... (you do still want to be my bf? Right?)

And after I hung up the phone I wanted to call her back and ask, no scream ..."What do you mean by that? When do I do it? Why do I do it? Give me an example of the last time I did it? Is it annoying? Do other people think it is annoying? Do people comment about it? Please EXPLAIN THIS TO ME" Realizing of course that doing that would be doing exactly what she said I do...so I didn't. But boy did I want to...I remember a couple of years ago I was out to dinner with a bunch of people and there was this woman there that I hadn't met before. So I start talking to her and I guess I was asking a lot of questions because she said to me..."this conversation is very exhausting...I feel like I am being cross examined." Now before you go thinking how ironic it was that she used the "lawyer" analogy, she already knew what I did for a living and frankly, I thought it rather cliche. I was always under the impression that people liked talking about themselves...crowd groans...Now something tells me that by now the bells and whistles should be going off in my head...or a very loud "danger, danger..." However, I was still genuinely surprised at my bf's comments and it actually got me thinking...why do we almost always perceive ourselves differently than other people do...

When trying to analyze myself some fundamental truths come to mind...

Fundamental Truth # 1
I am very self conscious of the way others perceive me. This notion of "I don't care what you think," doesn't apply to me. It drives me crazy to think that someone doesn't like me...Even if I don't like you, I want you to like me. Call me crazy, and believe me, plenty of people do. But I prefer to embrace my craziness and think it is actually part of my overall charm...which brings me to...

Fundamental Truth # 2
I am very charming. Sometimes to the point where my person is actually dripping of the charismatic, awe shucks, gee I think your great, type traits typical of us very social Geminis.
And it is genuine. Usually. I have, however, mastered the art of being two-faced, when necessary and to get what I want, when I want it (Caveat...(I'm a lawyer, there is always a caveat) I am NEVER two-faced or insincere to those I consider to be in my inner circle. These truths apply more appropriately to the world at large. After all we all let down our guard and truly let people see us, when we trust them. And I trust EVERYONE in my inner circle unequivacally and unconditionally. And if you are asking yourself, "Am I in the circle???" You're not!)

Fundamental Truth # 3
I rarely "tell it like it is..." I have heard people say that they like it that I just say what's on my mind, without thought to how people will feel about what I say. This is actually not true. I am the master at telling people what they want to hear, not because it is what I truly believe, but because it is just easier that way. And to balance out what you all might perceive as the "negative" publicity inherent in truths 1 & 3, we have...

Fundamental Truth # 4
I am a lot of fun to be around. Hanging out with me is always an adventure. I give new meaning to the phrase..."never a dull moment." And I like it that way...so do my friends. AND Finally,

Fundamental Truth # 5
I am intense and deep, but at the same time flaky & shallow...(its the Gemini thing again...I am a poster child!)

Now...here is where it gets interesting. These truths are how I perceive myself...but it has become obvious to me that is not how I come off to others. For example, in the last couple of months I have had people describe me as cocky, "full of myself," confident, open, and nice. The funny thing is I don't think of myself as confident or particularly open or cocky for that matter. I do however think of myself as closed, modest and needing a little help in the self confidence department. I even espouse these personality traits to others...its no wonder my friends are always looking at me like I have a second head attached to my body. But I think we all have different personas for different situations. My ____________, Esq. persona is completely different from my _________________ (sans Esq.) persona and well, Mav...there is a reason why I only play Mav on t.v. I truly believe that the people who really know me best, take the good things from all my "personalities, " tolerate the bad and in general allow me to perceive myself how I want, unless of course it gets out of hand and then they give me a good dose of reality.

So I accept as true all the ways in which I am perceived by others, both the good and the bad. And I realize that, yea, I do go into question mode, especially when I don't understand something...but that too is part of what makes me....well me. And that as my bf will tell you, is a good thing.

Resolutions? Did Somebody Say Resolutions?

It is only 7 days into the new year and once again the resolutions are out the window. I think I might have meant to say drink more, not less; continue your bad habit of driving home drunk; stay as unorganized as you possibly can; and never, ever focus. Oh yea...as for the box- can't seem to shake that either...ughhhh. I am clearly the type of person who needs to make these kinds of resolutions instead of those kinds of resolutions.

So what happened? Well it all started with Boa's favorite guy sending her an odd e-mail...

ring, ring...

Mav: Hello?
Boa: I think I am getting dumped. Did you read my blog? I am not happy!
Mav: Woa!!! Slow down there killer...lets not jump to conclusions...maybe he IS just busy with work (tounge in cheek)...Lets go out Saturday night (thinking in very Homer Simpsonish way...Doh! I am supposed to be FOCUSED...not drunk...ok, ok...the night will be low key. A little dinner...maybe 1 glass of wine. I can do that, right???) (sure you can Mav, go out with Boa, it doesn't mean you are not focused, everybody needs a little downtime- devil on my shoulder) (NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Danger, Danger...Maverick...FOCUS!!!- angel on my shoulder)

Damn...the devil always wins. So, out I go. The night starts off innocently enough. We head to our favorite neighborhood wine bar, belly right up to the bar and order ourselves a drink...three glasses of wine later (cosmos for Boa) we decide it is a VERY good idea to do a "drive by" of Boa's favorite guy's house...because you see, if he IS really busy with work he will be home...right? Well, sort of...

Mav: Which house is it?
Boa: The one with the black SUV out front, next to the ugly modern house...
Mav: Where? I don't see the modern house (driving really slow...cars beeping, people flipping the bird)
Boa: (crouching down on the floor in the front seat of my very small car) Are there any lights on?

O.k., putting aside that two woman in their 30's just did a drive by of one of their boyfriend's houses while the other was literally under the dash board in the front seat...this is so 1989, we decided to "class" it up a bit and go to this swanky cool bar for another drink...I mean we really had to do something to salvage our dignity. Several drinks later, its time to go downtown. Georgetown? Penn Quarter? Hmmmm...but wait. We have some v.i. business to take care of here in VA before we go...as if you didn't know what I was going to say...of course...drive by number 2. But this time...the car is gone! Oh shit.

Mav: The car is gone!
Boa: That shit went out.
Mav: Well he could have just gone to the grocery store (again...tongue in cheek)
Boa: Well if he went out, he probably took the metro. I know where he parks his car when he does that.

And so for those of you who are keeping count, we embark on drive by number 3...and low and behold...the car was parked exactly where she thought...time to go downtown...we know where he likes hangs out. It wouldn't be weird at all if we just happened to "run into" him...would it? Doesn't matter...the alcohol is making the decisions now, and it says we are going to the restaurant with the really good food. Of course this place brings back terrible memories for me, as the last time I was there the vibe was all off and well...it actually wasn't very much fun. But I digress...So we do a quick walk through and after a brief flirtation with the really cute gatekeeper at the "vip" section...discover he is not there...time to go because Boa actually not a big fan of this place and well you all know what happened last time I was there. We decide to continue drinking, because after all we were already drunk.

So this is how the resolutions went out the window. And as I was drinking another beer, circa 2 a.m., dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly (don't ask) and kissing some cute dark haired blue eyed boy...I wasn't thinking about focus or organization or not drinking so much. I was actually thinking I was having a hell of a lot of fun.

Epilogue

I got in at 5 a.m. I slept on the couch. I woke up after noon. I layed on the couch all day long. And I thought I wasn't focused.

Chemistry 101

I never really like chemistry in school, nor was it my best subject. Most likely the reason I became a lawyer and not a doctor. After all, whenever anyone would ask young Mav what it was she was going to be when she grew up, I would answer, "a lawyer and a doctor...and a teacher." I had to throw teaching in there for good measure. I mean there was always the possibility that I would be a horrible public speaker...there goes the law career. One thing was for sure, I was not a science gal. I had the gift of gab...glib as they come. Some things never change. Anyway...at the tender age of 32, I have rediscovered the subject of chemistry. A subject I found no use for until now, when I have discovered that chemistry actually plays a large part in the success or failure of your personal relationships.

Case # 1: Destiny's Child

So the other night Destiny's Child had their much anticipated and long overdue, end of year reunion. Excitement was in the air. The show was completely sold out. We were all at home practicing our great moves. I left work early to prepare. My girls were coming over. Had to make sure the wine cellar was up to snuff. Then the phone rings...

Mav: Hello (laughing uncontrollably)
Boa: How does my ass look? (laughing uncontrollably at Mav laughing uncontrollably)
Mav: It never gets old. Where are you?
Boa: On my way, see you in 30!
Mav: Great! I'll pour the wine.
Boa: Leave some for me.

Thirty minutes later...

Knock knock...

Mav: Boa! The Ying to my yang. Running, no skipping, to the door.
We embrace. We giggle. We are both genuinely excited and happy to see each other. We sit. We drink. We talk. We anxiously await the star of the show (even Beyonce knows when it is time to let someone else have the spot light) our mother...Goose!

Text message:
Goose: I am on my way!

Mav to Boa: Goose is on her way (thinking thank god. I'm drunk)
Mav & Boa: Yea!!!!!

Knock, knock...

Mav & Boa: Goose!
Mav: I'll get it.
Boa: No, I'll get it.
Both running to the door, practically tackling our mother when she walks in the door...the ring! We want to see the ring.
Boa: Can I try it on?
Mav: I want to try it...

And so it went...we laughed, we re-lived old times, we talked, we drank, we ate...we had a great time, like we always do...

As I sat there looking around at my two friends, I couldn't help but notice the easy conversation, the constant smiles and general happiness that we were together. I can't ever remember a time when the three of us didn't have a great time together. I remember the first meeting. I was a bit nervous. I knew them both before...and individually, we have our own chemistry (ying & yang, right Boa?). But who knows how that chemistry is going to translate as a threesome?? That first introduction...I was sweating. Were they going to like each other? Were they each going to come to me separately and vow never to hang out with each other again??? We were only in the car 15 minutes before I knew that this whole chemistry thing is FOR REAL...because we have it...everyone can see it.

Case # 2: Brett

Brett is a really nice guy. He is fun and funny and cute too. But we have no chemistry. {side bar: Now Steve...he is a different matter. Chemistry abounded in that relationship, but alas, circumstances prevail...timing, timing, timing...this is a subject I will revisit in a month or so. Can't ignore the chemistry.} No matter how hard I try to "like" him (I feel just like a school girl), and on paper, I really do, I just don't...but as we learned from Case # 1, you either got it or you don't. There is no explanation for this phenomenon. But what I do know is that if you ain't got it, you can kiss the relationship goodbye, which is exactly what I did.

Case # 3: My BF (I am really going to have to come up with a better nickname for this person. Again feeling like a school girl. Do you still have the other half of our bf charm? Or maybe we can have shirts made. I hear airbrushing is making a come back. Sometimes I even crack myself up. hahaha) ANYWAY....

We got it. People comment on it. I don't understand it. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

So, what have we learned? Chemistry is that intangible, uncontrollable thing that makes relationships special. Chemistry comes in all types and forms. Sometimes it lasts a lifetime and sometimes it only lasts for the moment. Either way, it feels fucking great!

My Top 5 For 2005

Taking my cue from Nick Hornby in High Fidelity, I decided to do my year in review in Top 5 format (all in no particular order)...

My top-five most memorable breakups for 2005 are as follows:

1. Christian
2. Richie Rich
3. Brett
4. Thomas
5. Steve

My top-five best songs for 2005:

1. These Words- Natasha Bedingfield
2. Beverly Hills- Weezer
3. Little Black Back Pack- Stroke 9
4. Candy Shop- 50 Cent
5. Don't Phunk With My Heart- Black Eyed Peas

My top-five "Burnt Sienna" Songs for 2005:

1. Chariot
2. Holiday
3. Crazy Game of Poker
4. Sugar, We're Goin Down
5. Mr. Brightside

My top-five funniest moments of 2005:

1. All of Memorial Day Weekend
2. The Billy Bob Incident
3. The night Boa "hemmed" my pants
4. The night Charlie had to pick up Goose in Arlington tied with that Sunday at Starboard with Sundown
5. Doogie!!!

Top 5 phrases for 2005:

1. "That never gets old"- Boa & Mav
2. "Dewey Beach, Dewey Beach"- Boa, Mav & Goose
3. "I hate people"- Boa
4. "That's a bottle"- Goose
5. "Awe, we just had a moment"- Mav to various people

Top 5 nicknames of 2005:

1. Mav
2. Goose
3. Boa
4. Richie Rich
5. Granny Pants

Top 5 favorite people in 2005:

1. Hege
2. Goose
3. Boa
4. Alexander
5. Syl

Top 5 worst habits in 2005:

1. Swearing
2. Drinking Miller Lite out of a can
3. Sleeping on the Couch
4. Smoking (while drinking)
5. Laziness

Top 5 most memorable trips:

1. Prague
2. Aruba
3. Park City, Ut
4. Miami
5. Wisconsin

Top 5 Most disappointing moments:

1. Whenever Goose didn't come to the beach
2. Leaving South Beach a day early
3. Having to leave Park City to go to my Aunt's funeral
4. Grandpa dyeing
5. Breaking up with Christian

Top 5 nicest memories:

1. Sunday dinner with Goose
2. That time in Delray ignoring the cute bartender
3. The program
4. Boa
5. Hege

And now...for the resolutions:

1. Drink less
2. Get organized
3. Let go of the box
4. Quit driving while drunk
5. Focus

Happy New Year Everyone!!! You know how much I love and adore each and every one of you. There is something on these lists that means something to everyone...and some just for you. Here's to a phenomenal 2005 and an even better 2006!!!