Allow myself to introduce...myself
So a couple of nights ago I was talking on the phone with my bf and I was telling her the story of the busy guy... I was mightily upset and annoyingly disappointed when the busy guy showed up at my house only to tell me that he is too busy to date and he is sorry and he promises that things will be different in about a month or so and he doesn't expect me to wait around for him...even he understands the demands my celebrity lifestyle puts on my time...You know the usual *bs* a guy gives you when he is trying to break it off--drama free--and go home feeling great about himself. But this story is not about how the busy guy gave me a one-way ticket to dumpsville...it is really about how you perceive yourself in the face of how other people do. So, I am telling my bf what happened and she says the following:
Bf: Now, Mav don't go getting into one of your ask a million questions mode and start asking him about it.
Mav: I didn't, I mean I don't do that...(thinking...Jeez, what kind of a tool does that kind of crap...definitely not me!)
Bf: Yes you do. You do it all the time. Especially when you don't understand something you just keep asking the person questions about it every time you talk to them.
Mav: (thinking...holy shit! Say it ain't so....I can't be THAT girl...can I?) What are you talking about...have we just met? I don't do that to people...
Bf: Well you do it to me ALL THE TIME...But its ok, its a good thing. (Wincing in anticipation of the constant barrage of questions that is sure to follow that comment...)
Mav: (Its a good thing???? Sounds like a very annoying thing to me...But I don't, I couldn't, it can't...) Well if I do, I am really sorry about that... (you do still want to be my bf? Right?)
And after I hung up the phone I wanted to call her back and ask, no scream ..."What do you mean by that? When do I do it? Why do I do it? Give me an example of the last time I did it? Is it annoying? Do other people think it is annoying? Do people comment about it? Please EXPLAIN THIS TO ME" Realizing of course that doing that would be doing exactly what she said I do...so I didn't. But boy did I want to...I remember a couple of years ago I was out to dinner with a bunch of people and there was this woman there that I hadn't met before. So I start talking to her and I guess I was asking a lot of questions because she said to me..."this conversation is very exhausting...I feel like I am being cross examined." Now before you go thinking how ironic it was that she used the "lawyer" analogy, she already knew what I did for a living and frankly, I thought it rather cliche. I was always under the impression that people liked talking about themselves...crowd groans...Now something tells me that by now the bells and whistles should be going off in my head...or a very loud "danger, danger..." However, I was still genuinely surprised at my bf's comments and it actually got me thinking...why do we almost always perceive ourselves differently than other people do...
When trying to analyze myself some fundamental truths come to mind...
Fundamental Truth # 1
I am very self conscious of the way others perceive me. This notion of "I don't care what you think," doesn't apply to me. It drives me crazy to think that someone doesn't like me...Even if I don't like you, I want you to like me. Call me crazy, and believe me, plenty of people do. But I prefer to embrace my craziness and think it is actually part of my overall charm...which brings me to...
Fundamental Truth # 2
I am very charming. Sometimes to the point where my person is actually dripping of the charismatic, awe shucks, gee I think your great, type traits typical of us very social Geminis.
And it is genuine. Usually. I have, however, mastered the art of being two-faced, when necessary and to get what I want, when I want it (Caveat...(I'm a lawyer, there is always a caveat) I am NEVER two-faced or insincere to those I consider to be in my inner circle. These truths apply more appropriately to the world at large. After all we all let down our guard and truly let people see us, when we trust them. And I trust EVERYONE in my inner circle unequivacally and unconditionally. And if you are asking yourself, "Am I in the circle???" You're not!)
Fundamental Truth # 3
I rarely "tell it like it is..." I have heard people say that they like it that I just say what's on my mind, without thought to how people will feel about what I say. This is actually not true. I am the master at telling people what they want to hear, not because it is what I truly believe, but because it is just easier that way. And to balance out what you all might perceive as the "negative" publicity inherent in truths 1 & 3, we have...
Fundamental Truth # 4
I am a lot of fun to be around. Hanging out with me is always an adventure. I give new meaning to the phrase..."never a dull moment." And I like it that way...so do my friends. AND Finally,
Fundamental Truth # 5
I am intense and deep, but at the same time flaky & shallow...(its the Gemini thing again...I am a poster child!)
Now...here is where it gets interesting. These truths are how I perceive myself...but it has become obvious to me that is not how I come off to others. For example, in the last couple of months I have had people describe me as cocky, "full of myself," confident, open, and nice. The funny thing is I don't think of myself as confident or particularly open or cocky for that matter. I do however think of myself as closed, modest and needing a little help in the self confidence department. I even espouse these personality traits to others...its no wonder my friends are always looking at me like I have a second head attached to my body. But I think we all have different personas for different situations. My ____________, Esq. persona is completely different from my _________________ (sans Esq.) persona and well, Mav...there is a reason why I only play Mav on t.v. I truly believe that the people who really know me best, take the good things from all my "personalities, " tolerate the bad and in general allow me to perceive myself how I want, unless of course it gets out of hand and then they give me a good dose of reality.
So I accept as true all the ways in which I am perceived by others, both the good and the bad. And I realize that, yea, I do go into question mode, especially when I don't understand something...but that too is part of what makes me....well me. And that as my bf will tell you, is a good thing.
Bf: Now, Mav don't go getting into one of your ask a million questions mode and start asking him about it.
Mav: I didn't, I mean I don't do that...(thinking...Jeez, what kind of a tool does that kind of crap...definitely not me!)
Bf: Yes you do. You do it all the time. Especially when you don't understand something you just keep asking the person questions about it every time you talk to them.
Mav: (thinking...holy shit! Say it ain't so....I can't be THAT girl...can I?) What are you talking about...have we just met? I don't do that to people...
Bf: Well you do it to me ALL THE TIME...But its ok, its a good thing. (Wincing in anticipation of the constant barrage of questions that is sure to follow that comment...)
Mav: (Its a good thing???? Sounds like a very annoying thing to me...But I don't, I couldn't, it can't...) Well if I do, I am really sorry about that... (you do still want to be my bf? Right?)
And after I hung up the phone I wanted to call her back and ask, no scream ..."What do you mean by that? When do I do it? Why do I do it? Give me an example of the last time I did it? Is it annoying? Do other people think it is annoying? Do people comment about it? Please EXPLAIN THIS TO ME" Realizing of course that doing that would be doing exactly what she said I do...so I didn't. But boy did I want to...I remember a couple of years ago I was out to dinner with a bunch of people and there was this woman there that I hadn't met before. So I start talking to her and I guess I was asking a lot of questions because she said to me..."this conversation is very exhausting...I feel like I am being cross examined." Now before you go thinking how ironic it was that she used the "lawyer" analogy, she already knew what I did for a living and frankly, I thought it rather cliche. I was always under the impression that people liked talking about themselves...crowd groans...Now something tells me that by now the bells and whistles should be going off in my head...or a very loud "danger, danger..." However, I was still genuinely surprised at my bf's comments and it actually got me thinking...why do we almost always perceive ourselves differently than other people do...
When trying to analyze myself some fundamental truths come to mind...
Fundamental Truth # 1
I am very self conscious of the way others perceive me. This notion of "I don't care what you think," doesn't apply to me. It drives me crazy to think that someone doesn't like me...Even if I don't like you, I want you to like me. Call me crazy, and believe me, plenty of people do. But I prefer to embrace my craziness and think it is actually part of my overall charm...which brings me to...
Fundamental Truth # 2
I am very charming. Sometimes to the point where my person is actually dripping of the charismatic, awe shucks, gee I think your great, type traits typical of us very social Geminis.
And it is genuine. Usually. I have, however, mastered the art of being two-faced, when necessary and to get what I want, when I want it (Caveat...(I'm a lawyer, there is always a caveat) I am NEVER two-faced or insincere to those I consider to be in my inner circle. These truths apply more appropriately to the world at large. After all we all let down our guard and truly let people see us, when we trust them. And I trust EVERYONE in my inner circle unequivacally and unconditionally. And if you are asking yourself, "Am I in the circle???" You're not!)
Fundamental Truth # 3
I rarely "tell it like it is..." I have heard people say that they like it that I just say what's on my mind, without thought to how people will feel about what I say. This is actually not true. I am the master at telling people what they want to hear, not because it is what I truly believe, but because it is just easier that way. And to balance out what you all might perceive as the "negative" publicity inherent in truths 1 & 3, we have...
Fundamental Truth # 4
I am a lot of fun to be around. Hanging out with me is always an adventure. I give new meaning to the phrase..."never a dull moment." And I like it that way...so do my friends. AND Finally,
Fundamental Truth # 5
I am intense and deep, but at the same time flaky & shallow...(its the Gemini thing again...I am a poster child!)
Now...here is where it gets interesting. These truths are how I perceive myself...but it has become obvious to me that is not how I come off to others. For example, in the last couple of months I have had people describe me as cocky, "full of myself," confident, open, and nice. The funny thing is I don't think of myself as confident or particularly open or cocky for that matter. I do however think of myself as closed, modest and needing a little help in the self confidence department. I even espouse these personality traits to others...its no wonder my friends are always looking at me like I have a second head attached to my body. But I think we all have different personas for different situations. My ____________, Esq. persona is completely different from my _________________ (sans Esq.) persona and well, Mav...there is a reason why I only play Mav on t.v. I truly believe that the people who really know me best, take the good things from all my "personalities, " tolerate the bad and in general allow me to perceive myself how I want, unless of course it gets out of hand and then they give me a good dose of reality.
So I accept as true all the ways in which I am perceived by others, both the good and the bad. And I realize that, yea, I do go into question mode, especially when I don't understand something...but that too is part of what makes me....well me. And that as my bf will tell you, is a good thing.
posted by Mav at 11:46 AM
1 Comments:
Great post mav!
Um, I don't think I know your question mode - or I don't see it - b/c I love when people ask questions. I find it very hard to talk about myself or offer my opinion in a circle of chatter and that is why a lot of people think I am "private" and "stand-offish" -I hide behind "shy" but it is more of an insecurity thing, I guess. I am never shy once someone pries me open - and that is usually done by someone asking the questions. Then I'll turn the tables. And then you can't shut me up sometimes. And see I'm rambling....
yours truly, boa
Post a Comment
<< Home