Stop talking about Tequila...

A few weekends ago was a weekend for the ages... Boa turned ahemmm (censored by the friend who will kick my ass if I tell police)...and it was a celebration, of sorts. We started out on Friday, o.k, o.k., actually we started on Wednesday, which I hear is the new Friday, so whatever... Lets forget Wednesday for the moment...I'll get back to it...maybe. So Thursday, the very beginning of our rock star weekend, which we really need to have every so often, you know special occasions, everyweekend, whatever. Anyway, Boa, myself and the Count went to see Greengenes at the Ballroom...we are talking total Dewey Beach mode, chain drinking Miller Lites and chain smoking cigarettes and all...even though Greengenes sucks the big one, they really do, there was something about listening to a bad cover version of Beverly Hills that just set the tone for the reminder of the weekend. So that was it, the weekend kick off, complete with the guy wearing the "Spitters are Quitters" t-shirt and me wearing flip flops...ahhh summer is really here. Friday was Boa's special night...a happy hour all her own. We gathered up the kids and went to Poste, where we sipped on pink martinis and bright green margaritas, ate truffle french fries and acted all shi shi...The gang was all there, even Disco showed up for a little birthday cheer...good times I say, good times. Later in the evening we switched over to Miller Lite, you know how it is, there are only so many pink drinks one can have before the bathroom becomes your best friend. I slept on Boa's couch, what else is knew and the next morning woke up starving, after realizing I had not eaten in like 36 hours...I wanted eggs and quick! So off to the Original Pancake House we go...no shower, alcohol seeping out our pores and shaking from the sheer volume of consumption from the night before...but at the OPH, we were NOT freaks...everyone in there was fighting off a really bad hang over. Yum! That omlette and those pancakes, they were like a gourmet meal. Soooooo....what do you want to do now, I coyly asked the birthday girl...Weeeeellllll......go drink of course. (Are we or are we not alcoholics? The jury is still out)...The scene fades to black and when the camera re-focuses your two young princesses are sitting at their favorite local sports bar swigging back the Miller Lites...

Mav: (While taking a shot of SoCo & Lime) I can't drunk to save my life...
Boa: (While taking a Lemondrop Shot) I'm hungry.
Mav: (While taking a Shot of Petrone) I could eat.
Boa: (While taking a Kamikaze shot) Mexican?
Mav: Done.

So off to the local Mexican restaurant we go...after a dozen Miller Lites and 4 shots by my count, still not drunk, or so we think...we belly up to the bar and order two margaritas, or tequila and ice as the restaurant liked to call it...and all of a sudden it hit me. I was drunk. No, I was RETARDED. I couldn't stand, I couldn't talk, I definately couldn't eat, it was pouring rain outside and I had no idea how we were going to get home...But wait, Boa...she will...do nothing to help. She is drunker than me...and feeling sick. We walk home in the freezing cold rain (I was still wearing flip flops, remember the beach mode???) When we get there I sleep on the couch in my clothes (sound familiar?) Boa sleeps on the floor right next to me...(nobody sleeps in the bed)...And, on her birthday, that is NOT 21, Boa throws up, a lot...The next day after anything I would say Boa would reply: "Stop Talking About Tequila." hahaha...Happy Birthday!

I've Learned...

Ok people who read my blog, all 3 of you...here you go. So, no more complaining, whining, pleading, begging or feet stomping. Here is your damn blog entry...and don't be disappointed. [Actually, Boa just asked in passing...when are you going to update your blog?-Reality Control] {Hate those reality Nazis...always raining on my parade- Mav} Anywho...my mom used to say that when I was a kid...anywho? What? and this was always after she licked her thumb and attempted to wipe whatever junk I had on my face...Yuck! {Note to self...never do that to my kid}... The past several months have been quite the learning experience...so in no particular order here are a few things I have learned:

1) I am a piece of work. Why? Because all my friends think so...Listen
Scene: Tampa, FL. circa about 6 weeks ago...
Ring Ring...Mav: Hello
Boa: What's up Maverick...Just calling to wish you good luck on the bar exam. What are you doing?
Mav: I have a date tonight!
Boa: Are you f***king kidding me? You have only been there for like 5 minutes...
Mav: I know! His name is HSBF and he is so cute...
Boa: You are a piece of work

Scene: Same as above, except Mav lounging in her room with HSBF
Ring Ring....Mav: Hello
Bf: Hey....I'm just calling to wish you good luck on the bar exam.
Mav: Thanks....hold on (whispering to HSBF)
Bf: Who are you talking to?
Mav: Oh that's just my HSBF...we just met. We are studying together.
Bf to husband....: She has a boy in her room...Unbelievable.
Husband in background: Good work Mav!
Bf: You are a piece of work!

And so it went...I hung out with my High School Boyfriend for two days...we studied together, we ate together, he carried my books...literally! I guess the bar exam wasn't so bad after all. Maybe we will end up going to Prom! I think I still have my hot pink taffeta dress. (It was off the shoulder) wink, wink.

2) Muppets do not exist just on t.v.
I haven't taken a standardized test in a very long time...the last time for me was before you even had to use a No. 2 pencil, so I was unfamiliar with all the "new standardized testing" protocols. For example...you must use a No.2 pencil. Not a No.1 or a No. 3, but a No. 2. And you must use the No. 2 pencils that are provided by the bar examiners...And people, if you know anything about me, you know that I am very particular with my writing implements...I have "my pens" stashed in a very safe place (you need a map and a decoder ring to find them) so nobody uses them...And I only use a certain kind. I am peculiar like that. Come to think of it I am peculiar like this and like that...Hehehe...(evil little laugh)...
But seriously...the muppets, oh the muppets. I thought muppets only existed on HBO (remember Fraggle Rock http://www.fragglerocker.com/media/audio/Theme_(Original).mp3)

(Love that Uncle Traveling Matt)

I just had a nostalgic, back in the day, when I was a young girl moment...how sweet. However, back to reality, as my 33rd birthday quickly approaches, we return now to this very special edition of Bizzarro Mav World....

Now, when we last left fair young Mav she was in Tampa taking the Florida Bar and being "a piece of work." Oh, right, you are wondering about the muppets, right? Well, again...I am unfamiliar with the various rules of standardized testing...I suppose there was some sort of rule book published and distributed, but everyone knows I do not deal well with published materials or rules for that matter. Some may say I march to the tune of a different drummer, I however would say good luck getting me to march at all. Part of my overall charm I might add, but I digress. Anywho?!? (My mom was just here, rubs off)... there were these really weird people monitoring the bar exam...they wore smocks in primary colors, like the kind they made you wear in kindergarten during art class, and they walked around while you are taking the test and just looked at you...they looked like muppets. I was so freaked out, after the morning session of day 1, I say to my HSBF...what's with those...and he says "muppets?" I almost got down on one knee and asked him to marry me...{Woa...slow down there Tonto...I always thought YOUR fairy tale ending started with HIM on one knee asking you to marry him, preferably with a larger than 2 carat platnum set diamond ring-My mind} [o.k., o.k., relax...whose world is this anyway?-Mav] Hate Muppets.

3) I Do Not Really Want to Move to Florida

The weather is fantastic. I love the beach. I probably have sand running through my veins. My Bf lives there. In my book, that would be reason enough. However, just spending 24 hours in Tampa where the population is 49% red neck and 49% senior citizens, with the other 2% muppets...I felt so out of place. I mean where the coolest place to hang out was a bar called Howl at the Moon and the best restaurant was Bennigans...yea, no. I think it is probably a great place to raise a family and o.k., if you are married and just looking to go out for a nice dinner every once in a while. A single girl....belongs in the city! So that is just where I am going. We are moving in less than a month to Penn Quarter and I literally cannot wait.

4) You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It To

If that were the case D.C. would have beaches and great weather just like Florida...My bf would live in the same city as me and I wouldn't have had to take another bar exam to make it all happen. I'm learning to live with it. But I hate it. I really do.

5) Even if I Fail...Its not the end of the world

Yea right!

Happy Easter.

SSB

Did anyone see Sex and the City last night? It was the one where Aiden moved in with Carrie and she was complaining because she couldn't engage in what she coined "Secret Single Behavior" or SSB. On that note, I am soliciting some SSB from my friends...what do you do, in private, that you would never want any guy to see you doing. There are so many things I do, it was hard to choose. But the top of the list would be...(can I get a drum roll please...)

Sitting on my bathroom vanity with my fingers up my nose trying to determine the cause of that little hard thing scratching the inside of my nostril that I have tried to blow out 15 or so times. Gross!