Stop talking about Tequila...

A few weekends ago was a weekend for the ages... Boa turned ahemmm (censored by the friend who will kick my ass if I tell police)...and it was a celebration, of sorts. We started out on Friday, o.k, o.k., actually we started on Wednesday, which I hear is the new Friday, so whatever... Lets forget Wednesday for the moment...I'll get back to it...maybe. So Thursday, the very beginning of our rock star weekend, which we really need to have every so often, you know special occasions, everyweekend, whatever. Anyway, Boa, myself and the Count went to see Greengenes at the Ballroom...we are talking total Dewey Beach mode, chain drinking Miller Lites and chain smoking cigarettes and all...even though Greengenes sucks the big one, they really do, there was something about listening to a bad cover version of Beverly Hills that just set the tone for the reminder of the weekend. So that was it, the weekend kick off, complete with the guy wearing the "Spitters are Quitters" t-shirt and me wearing flip flops...ahhh summer is really here. Friday was Boa's special night...a happy hour all her own. We gathered up the kids and went to Poste, where we sipped on pink martinis and bright green margaritas, ate truffle french fries and acted all shi shi...The gang was all there, even Disco showed up for a little birthday cheer...good times I say, good times. Later in the evening we switched over to Miller Lite, you know how it is, there are only so many pink drinks one can have before the bathroom becomes your best friend. I slept on Boa's couch, what else is knew and the next morning woke up starving, after realizing I had not eaten in like 36 hours...I wanted eggs and quick! So off to the Original Pancake House we go...no shower, alcohol seeping out our pores and shaking from the sheer volume of consumption from the night before...but at the OPH, we were NOT freaks...everyone in there was fighting off a really bad hang over. Yum! That omlette and those pancakes, they were like a gourmet meal. Soooooo....what do you want to do now, I coyly asked the birthday girl...Weeeeellllll......go drink of course. (Are we or are we not alcoholics? The jury is still out)...The scene fades to black and when the camera re-focuses your two young princesses are sitting at their favorite local sports bar swigging back the Miller Lites...

Mav: (While taking a shot of SoCo & Lime) I can't drunk to save my life...
Boa: (While taking a Lemondrop Shot) I'm hungry.
Mav: (While taking a Shot of Petrone) I could eat.
Boa: (While taking a Kamikaze shot) Mexican?
Mav: Done.

So off to the local Mexican restaurant we go...after a dozen Miller Lites and 4 shots by my count, still not drunk, or so we think...we belly up to the bar and order two margaritas, or tequila and ice as the restaurant liked to call it...and all of a sudden it hit me. I was drunk. No, I was RETARDED. I couldn't stand, I couldn't talk, I definately couldn't eat, it was pouring rain outside and I had no idea how we were going to get home...But wait, Boa...she will...do nothing to help. She is drunker than me...and feeling sick. We walk home in the freezing cold rain (I was still wearing flip flops, remember the beach mode???) When we get there I sleep on the couch in my clothes (sound familiar?) Boa sleeps on the floor right next to me...(nobody sleeps in the bed)...And, on her birthday, that is NOT 21, Boa throws up, a lot...The next day after anything I would say Boa would reply: "Stop Talking About Tequila." hahaha...Happy Birthday!

I've Learned...

Ok people who read my blog, all 3 of you...here you go. So, no more complaining, whining, pleading, begging or feet stomping. Here is your damn blog entry...and don't be disappointed. [Actually, Boa just asked in passing...when are you going to update your blog?-Reality Control] {Hate those reality Nazis...always raining on my parade- Mav} Anywho...my mom used to say that when I was a kid...anywho? What? and this was always after she licked her thumb and attempted to wipe whatever junk I had on my face...Yuck! {Note to self...never do that to my kid}... The past several months have been quite the learning experience...so in no particular order here are a few things I have learned:

1) I am a piece of work. Why? Because all my friends think so...Listen
Scene: Tampa, FL. circa about 6 weeks ago...
Ring Ring...Mav: Hello
Boa: What's up Maverick...Just calling to wish you good luck on the bar exam. What are you doing?
Mav: I have a date tonight!
Boa: Are you f***king kidding me? You have only been there for like 5 minutes...
Mav: I know! His name is HSBF and he is so cute...
Boa: You are a piece of work

Scene: Same as above, except Mav lounging in her room with HSBF
Ring Ring....Mav: Hello
Bf: Hey....I'm just calling to wish you good luck on the bar exam.
Mav: Thanks....hold on (whispering to HSBF)
Bf: Who are you talking to?
Mav: Oh that's just my HSBF...we just met. We are studying together.
Bf to husband....: She has a boy in her room...Unbelievable.
Husband in background: Good work Mav!
Bf: You are a piece of work!

And so it went...I hung out with my High School Boyfriend for two days...we studied together, we ate together, he carried my books...literally! I guess the bar exam wasn't so bad after all. Maybe we will end up going to Prom! I think I still have my hot pink taffeta dress. (It was off the shoulder) wink, wink.

2) Muppets do not exist just on t.v.
I haven't taken a standardized test in a very long time...the last time for me was before you even had to use a No. 2 pencil, so I was unfamiliar with all the "new standardized testing" protocols. For example...you must use a No.2 pencil. Not a No.1 or a No. 3, but a No. 2. And you must use the No. 2 pencils that are provided by the bar examiners...And people, if you know anything about me, you know that I am very particular with my writing implements...I have "my pens" stashed in a very safe place (you need a map and a decoder ring to find them) so nobody uses them...And I only use a certain kind. I am peculiar like that. Come to think of it I am peculiar like this and like that...Hehehe...(evil little laugh)...
But seriously...the muppets, oh the muppets. I thought muppets only existed on HBO (remember Fraggle Rock http://www.fragglerocker.com/media/audio/Theme_(Original).mp3)

(Love that Uncle Traveling Matt)

I just had a nostalgic, back in the day, when I was a young girl moment...how sweet. However, back to reality, as my 33rd birthday quickly approaches, we return now to this very special edition of Bizzarro Mav World....

Now, when we last left fair young Mav she was in Tampa taking the Florida Bar and being "a piece of work." Oh, right, you are wondering about the muppets, right? Well, again...I am unfamiliar with the various rules of standardized testing...I suppose there was some sort of rule book published and distributed, but everyone knows I do not deal well with published materials or rules for that matter. Some may say I march to the tune of a different drummer, I however would say good luck getting me to march at all. Part of my overall charm I might add, but I digress. Anywho?!? (My mom was just here, rubs off)... there were these really weird people monitoring the bar exam...they wore smocks in primary colors, like the kind they made you wear in kindergarten during art class, and they walked around while you are taking the test and just looked at you...they looked like muppets. I was so freaked out, after the morning session of day 1, I say to my HSBF...what's with those...and he says "muppets?" I almost got down on one knee and asked him to marry me...{Woa...slow down there Tonto...I always thought YOUR fairy tale ending started with HIM on one knee asking you to marry him, preferably with a larger than 2 carat platnum set diamond ring-My mind} [o.k., o.k., relax...whose world is this anyway?-Mav] Hate Muppets.

3) I Do Not Really Want to Move to Florida

The weather is fantastic. I love the beach. I probably have sand running through my veins. My Bf lives there. In my book, that would be reason enough. However, just spending 24 hours in Tampa where the population is 49% red neck and 49% senior citizens, with the other 2% muppets...I felt so out of place. I mean where the coolest place to hang out was a bar called Howl at the Moon and the best restaurant was Bennigans...yea, no. I think it is probably a great place to raise a family and o.k., if you are married and just looking to go out for a nice dinner every once in a while. A single girl....belongs in the city! So that is just where I am going. We are moving in less than a month to Penn Quarter and I literally cannot wait.

4) You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It To

If that were the case D.C. would have beaches and great weather just like Florida...My bf would live in the same city as me and I wouldn't have had to take another bar exam to make it all happen. I'm learning to live with it. But I hate it. I really do.

5) Even if I Fail...Its not the end of the world

Yea right!

Happy Easter.

SSB

Did anyone see Sex and the City last night? It was the one where Aiden moved in with Carrie and she was complaining because she couldn't engage in what she coined "Secret Single Behavior" or SSB. On that note, I am soliciting some SSB from my friends...what do you do, in private, that you would never want any guy to see you doing. There are so many things I do, it was hard to choose. But the top of the list would be...(can I get a drum roll please...)

Sitting on my bathroom vanity with my fingers up my nose trying to determine the cause of that little hard thing scratching the inside of my nostril that I have tried to blow out 15 or so times. Gross!

Bowling is for Losers

Now for all those people who are thinking...hey wait a minute, I like bowling....I mean figuratively not literally. Maybe I should explain. I fear we are getting into one of those areas inside MY mind that makes everyone on the outside just scratch their head. So sit back and enjoy this ride, because it is going to be a doozy!

I'd say it all started when Boa's Peter Pan told her "he needed a break." A break she said...ahhhh o.k. Fuck him, I said, but whatever. I heard a rumor he wears white sweat pants...draw your own conclusions. Anyway...circa around 1 week ago I decided it was time to send "the busy guy" an e-mail...it was risky. I mean was I, the queen of out of sight out of mind, F**k you, I don't need a man, I am woman, hear me roar...going to put it out there with a guy who so plainly did a 180 in 24 hours and then blamed it on his busy work schedule? Well, looks that way. So I draft, yea, I used the word draft...you can take the girl out of the law school, but you can't take the law school out of the girl...an e-mail to said "busy guy" and float it around to all my best buds for comment...It was apparently approved because I sent it and then the waiting began...

Girl who sent an e-mail to an ex's log- Day 1
One second after e-mail sent: "shit! What am I thinking...can I retract that?"
Two seconds after e-mail sent: "fuck it! He'll do whatever and I don't care (ROAR...)"
Three seconds after e-mail sent: "Why hasn't he written me back yet... (meow)"

Girl who sent an e-mail to an ex's log- Day 2
Still haven't heard from him...time to call in the cavalry, this girl is about unravel.
Me: "Boa...I sent the e-mail, but I still haven't heard from him! Bad sign...right?"
Boa: "No, not necessarily…could be real busy with work. That seems to be the theme of January."
Me: "But, not too busy for Match.com..."
Boa: "He is a loser then…he and [peter pan- edited for content] should get together and go bowling."

And so it was born...the league of all leagues...the bowlers...aka losers. And I should probably mention that the only other person on this earth who "got it" was Boa...or was that me getting her, either way. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with bowling...Actually I understand that they have constructed quite the modern bowling alley in Gallery Place, although with some pretty weird requirements to get in...Looks like Peter Pan and his white sweat pants are out, but I digress.

And here we are 1 week after sending the "busy guy" the e-mail... and I have some updates.
1) It appears that the "busy guy" is/was actually just trying out for the bowling team..., as opposed to Peter Pan, who quite clearly is not only on the team, but is Team Captain. He did reply to my e-mail and actually wanted to get together. I suggested drinks, he suggested dinner. Good sign, right? Well...he calls me up the day we are supposed to hang out...he sounds like crap...coughing, sniffling, raspy voice...but claims he can still get together. To which I say...no thanks. I don't need those germs 3 weeks before I have to take the bar exam...

2) So I send him another e-mail...I know I have completely lost my mind...and suggest Saturday (tomorrow) for the meet & greet. To which he responds in the following way:

The Busy Guy: "That should be fine although I am a little bit leery of setting it in stone because I am still struggling to get over this cold and I know that you aren't really interested in getting sick but I should be okay. If you wanted to meet me at my place, you could hang out and have a glass of wine while I pull myself together. In any event, let's talk Friday or early Saturday and see where things stand."

Did anybody understand that? Its fine, but I'm sick, so no, but maybe, it should be o.k., come over my house and drink wine. I thought I was supposed to be the flaky one. And my response:
Mav: "I doubt that you are still contageous. But just in case, I'll bring the purell. See you at 8."

Hehe, that'll show him. He can be the indecisive guy, but I am going to be direct and to the point. I am starting to wonder if they are outfitting him with his Satin bowling jacket...intials "SG" on the right breast pocket...Sweet!

and of course...the Busy Guy: "So saturday sounds good. I am feeling okay so hopefully I will continue to improve. Let's talk Friday or Saturday. Any thoughts about dinner? Should we make reservations somewhere? "

Mav: "Reservations may be wise...would you like me to take care of that or would you rather take the reigns? "

Busy Guy: "I have no idea about Saturday, we don't even have to go anywhere all that nice, I just don't really want to wait in line. On the other hand, let's just play play it by ear. By the time you get to my place, we have a couple of drinks, it will probably be late enough to avoid the crowds. Sound good?

Sure....whatever Steve-o, Steve-o, the delicate flower Steve-o. (Boa and I decided to rename him, after the wine fest about being sick prompting the following e-mail to be written from me to Boa: Steve-o is apparently still feeling a tad under the weather, however he should be o.k. by Saturday and let the bowling tourney rage on without him. I'll keep you posted on our fragile little flower as this cold really seems to have a noose around his delicate little neck. I wonder how he lifts that 10 lb bowling ball...he is so delicate. "...ahhh we are so clever in coming up with our nick names.) Now I really need a drink...

So I decided to show up tomorrow night in my pajamas, with a bottle of wine and a bowling ball.

To be continued....

p.s. Girls Rule, Boys Drool!

Groundhog Day

I've had a few complaints lately that my more recent posts have lacked that signature wit and humor traditionally associated with what goes on in the life inside my mind. Let me explain my recent introspective ramblings. For those of you who don't know...I am taking the Florida bar exam February 21 & 22. Yes, that is this year. This necessarily involves working all day long and studying for the exam in the evening. My life is like groundhog's day....get up in the morning, go to the gym, go to work, go home, go study, go to sleep, get up in the morning, go to the gym...you get the picture.

So the reason for the intospection is that I don't have a lot of material to write about. My social calendar is like a ghost town...picture big balls of tumbleweed blowing through and not a soul in sight...I have even been forgetting my cell phone in the oddest places, like at home, when I go to work or out to study. The reason? I don't want to answer the phone when it rings because I am truly of weak mind...I have lots of trouble staying "in." After all I am the queen butterfly of all social butterflies. I would be out 8 days a week if possible. So limiting myself to one night is like trying to juggle with one hand tied behind your back...it just doesn't work.

However, this is all in an effort to FOCUS...trying to get myself back on the New Year's resolutions. You know its bad, when you have a 4 year old saying..."focus Dee Dee, focus!" Wise guy...but as a consequence, there will be no more Boa & Mav stories, bad date stories, I drank too much stories, or Destiny's Child reunions. At least for the moment. I am all about the studying, which has created some challenges of its own. Namely, finding a place to study whereby I can actually study. A friend of mine asked me why don't you just study at your apartment...Ahhhh no! That is like a child trying to study at Disney Land. All my stuff is there...t.v., stereo, internet, clothes...(I seem to always want to conduct my own private fashion show when I should be studying). I've tried studying everywhere...Starbucks, Cosi, even the local Wine Bar (hehehe...after 3 glasses of a lovely Merlot, I was studying contacts instead of contracts. Needless to say I haven't been back there since.) I think I have finally found a suitable venue, the Border's 5 minutes from home. It seems to be working and it stays open late enough to get a sold 3 or 4 hours a night.

So for everyone who is disappointed by my mundane, rather witless and not really very funny posts...I hope you'll stick with me and remember that today after all is Groundhog day.

Allow myself to introduce...myself

So a couple of nights ago I was talking on the phone with my bf and I was telling her the story of the busy guy... I was mightily upset and annoyingly disappointed when the busy guy showed up at my house only to tell me that he is too busy to date and he is sorry and he promises that things will be different in about a month or so and he doesn't expect me to wait around for him...even he understands the demands my celebrity lifestyle puts on my time...You know the usual *bs* a guy gives you when he is trying to break it off--drama free--and go home feeling great about himself. But this story is not about how the busy guy gave me a one-way ticket to dumpsville...it is really about how you perceive yourself in the face of how other people do. So, I am telling my bf what happened and she says the following:

Bf: Now, Mav don't go getting into one of your ask a million questions mode and start asking him about it.
Mav: I didn't, I mean I don't do that...(thinking...Jeez, what kind of a tool does that kind of crap...definitely not me!)
Bf: Yes you do. You do it all the time. Especially when you don't understand something you just keep asking the person questions about it every time you talk to them.
Mav: (thinking...holy shit! Say it ain't so....I can't be THAT girl...can I?) What are you talking about...have we just met? I don't do that to people...
Bf: Well you do it to me ALL THE TIME...But its ok, its a good thing. (Wincing in anticipation of the constant barrage of questions that is sure to follow that comment...)
Mav: (Its a good thing???? Sounds like a very annoying thing to me...But I don't, I couldn't, it can't...) Well if I do, I am really sorry about that... (you do still want to be my bf? Right?)

And after I hung up the phone I wanted to call her back and ask, no scream ..."What do you mean by that? When do I do it? Why do I do it? Give me an example of the last time I did it? Is it annoying? Do other people think it is annoying? Do people comment about it? Please EXPLAIN THIS TO ME" Realizing of course that doing that would be doing exactly what she said I do...so I didn't. But boy did I want to...I remember a couple of years ago I was out to dinner with a bunch of people and there was this woman there that I hadn't met before. So I start talking to her and I guess I was asking a lot of questions because she said to me..."this conversation is very exhausting...I feel like I am being cross examined." Now before you go thinking how ironic it was that she used the "lawyer" analogy, she already knew what I did for a living and frankly, I thought it rather cliche. I was always under the impression that people liked talking about themselves...crowd groans...Now something tells me that by now the bells and whistles should be going off in my head...or a very loud "danger, danger..." However, I was still genuinely surprised at my bf's comments and it actually got me thinking...why do we almost always perceive ourselves differently than other people do...

When trying to analyze myself some fundamental truths come to mind...

Fundamental Truth # 1
I am very self conscious of the way others perceive me. This notion of "I don't care what you think," doesn't apply to me. It drives me crazy to think that someone doesn't like me...Even if I don't like you, I want you to like me. Call me crazy, and believe me, plenty of people do. But I prefer to embrace my craziness and think it is actually part of my overall charm...which brings me to...

Fundamental Truth # 2
I am very charming. Sometimes to the point where my person is actually dripping of the charismatic, awe shucks, gee I think your great, type traits typical of us very social Geminis.
And it is genuine. Usually. I have, however, mastered the art of being two-faced, when necessary and to get what I want, when I want it (Caveat...(I'm a lawyer, there is always a caveat) I am NEVER two-faced or insincere to those I consider to be in my inner circle. These truths apply more appropriately to the world at large. After all we all let down our guard and truly let people see us, when we trust them. And I trust EVERYONE in my inner circle unequivacally and unconditionally. And if you are asking yourself, "Am I in the circle???" You're not!)

Fundamental Truth # 3
I rarely "tell it like it is..." I have heard people say that they like it that I just say what's on my mind, without thought to how people will feel about what I say. This is actually not true. I am the master at telling people what they want to hear, not because it is what I truly believe, but because it is just easier that way. And to balance out what you all might perceive as the "negative" publicity inherent in truths 1 & 3, we have...

Fundamental Truth # 4
I am a lot of fun to be around. Hanging out with me is always an adventure. I give new meaning to the phrase..."never a dull moment." And I like it that way...so do my friends. AND Finally,

Fundamental Truth # 5
I am intense and deep, but at the same time flaky & shallow...(its the Gemini thing again...I am a poster child!)

Now...here is where it gets interesting. These truths are how I perceive myself...but it has become obvious to me that is not how I come off to others. For example, in the last couple of months I have had people describe me as cocky, "full of myself," confident, open, and nice. The funny thing is I don't think of myself as confident or particularly open or cocky for that matter. I do however think of myself as closed, modest and needing a little help in the self confidence department. I even espouse these personality traits to others...its no wonder my friends are always looking at me like I have a second head attached to my body. But I think we all have different personas for different situations. My ____________, Esq. persona is completely different from my _________________ (sans Esq.) persona and well, Mav...there is a reason why I only play Mav on t.v. I truly believe that the people who really know me best, take the good things from all my "personalities, " tolerate the bad and in general allow me to perceive myself how I want, unless of course it gets out of hand and then they give me a good dose of reality.

So I accept as true all the ways in which I am perceived by others, both the good and the bad. And I realize that, yea, I do go into question mode, especially when I don't understand something...but that too is part of what makes me....well me. And that as my bf will tell you, is a good thing.

Resolutions? Did Somebody Say Resolutions?

It is only 7 days into the new year and once again the resolutions are out the window. I think I might have meant to say drink more, not less; continue your bad habit of driving home drunk; stay as unorganized as you possibly can; and never, ever focus. Oh yea...as for the box- can't seem to shake that either...ughhhh. I am clearly the type of person who needs to make these kinds of resolutions instead of those kinds of resolutions.

So what happened? Well it all started with Boa's favorite guy sending her an odd e-mail...

ring, ring...

Mav: Hello?
Boa: I think I am getting dumped. Did you read my blog? I am not happy!
Mav: Woa!!! Slow down there killer...lets not jump to conclusions...maybe he IS just busy with work (tounge in cheek)...Lets go out Saturday night (thinking in very Homer Simpsonish way...Doh! I am supposed to be FOCUSED...not drunk...ok, ok...the night will be low key. A little dinner...maybe 1 glass of wine. I can do that, right???) (sure you can Mav, go out with Boa, it doesn't mean you are not focused, everybody needs a little downtime- devil on my shoulder) (NOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Danger, Danger...Maverick...FOCUS!!!- angel on my shoulder)

Damn...the devil always wins. So, out I go. The night starts off innocently enough. We head to our favorite neighborhood wine bar, belly right up to the bar and order ourselves a drink...three glasses of wine later (cosmos for Boa) we decide it is a VERY good idea to do a "drive by" of Boa's favorite guy's house...because you see, if he IS really busy with work he will be home...right? Well, sort of...

Mav: Which house is it?
Boa: The one with the black SUV out front, next to the ugly modern house...
Mav: Where? I don't see the modern house (driving really slow...cars beeping, people flipping the bird)
Boa: (crouching down on the floor in the front seat of my very small car) Are there any lights on?

O.k., putting aside that two woman in their 30's just did a drive by of one of their boyfriend's houses while the other was literally under the dash board in the front seat...this is so 1989, we decided to "class" it up a bit and go to this swanky cool bar for another drink...I mean we really had to do something to salvage our dignity. Several drinks later, its time to go downtown. Georgetown? Penn Quarter? Hmmmm...but wait. We have some v.i. business to take care of here in VA before we go...as if you didn't know what I was going to say...of course...drive by number 2. But this time...the car is gone! Oh shit.

Mav: The car is gone!
Boa: That shit went out.
Mav: Well he could have just gone to the grocery store (again...tongue in cheek)
Boa: Well if he went out, he probably took the metro. I know where he parks his car when he does that.

And so for those of you who are keeping count, we embark on drive by number 3...and low and behold...the car was parked exactly where she thought...time to go downtown...we know where he likes hangs out. It wouldn't be weird at all if we just happened to "run into" him...would it? Doesn't matter...the alcohol is making the decisions now, and it says we are going to the restaurant with the really good food. Of course this place brings back terrible memories for me, as the last time I was there the vibe was all off and well...it actually wasn't very much fun. But I digress...So we do a quick walk through and after a brief flirtation with the really cute gatekeeper at the "vip" section...discover he is not there...time to go because Boa actually not a big fan of this place and well you all know what happened last time I was there. We decide to continue drinking, because after all we were already drunk.

So this is how the resolutions went out the window. And as I was drinking another beer, circa 2 a.m., dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly (don't ask) and kissing some cute dark haired blue eyed boy...I wasn't thinking about focus or organization or not drinking so much. I was actually thinking I was having a hell of a lot of fun.

Epilogue

I got in at 5 a.m. I slept on the couch. I woke up after noon. I layed on the couch all day long. And I thought I wasn't focused.