Welcome to the Dating Game

A few weekends ago I had an obligation of sorts…something you do out of respect for 15 years of friendship, living together, more than likely hooking up with some of the same guys, holding each others hair back while puking, crying, laughing, passing and failing classes, drinking, shots, well you get the picture. In case you haven’t guessed by now, as if all the preceding clues weren’t enough….I know, I know, this isn’t what’s my line…anyway, one of my roommates from college got married and I went to the wedding. Mav, making her guest appearance as Han Solo….All the girls were in attendance, except of course the one we all “wonder” about, (not that there’s anything wrong with that)…apparently she had a soccer game she couldn’t not attend because her assistant coach, who was slated to cover, well her grandmother died…and well….the thing is….the last time there was an event where we were all “supposed” to attend, the same girl’s grandmother died…hmmm…are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yea, I know. I’m jealous too…I went to the event, driving very fast the 3 hours to N.J. (I was of course running late, as usual, suffering from my very serious disease of procrastination or is that laziness…hmm, that is for another post) flying Han Solo and all…And for all of you who knows Maverick…she does NOT like to fly Han Solo, no matter what the occasion…but I suppose in life some things are worth the sacrifice. So, I sat through yet another 5 hours of all of my friends and their husbands talking binkys, bottles, diapers, showing pictures of their 2.5 kids, white picket fences….quick somebody grab me a drink and make it a double. Some would argue that being Han Solo is not all that bad. I mean he did fly the Millennium Falcon, the fastest ship in the galaxy, and in the end he did get the girl (a prospect that seems all too unlikely at this moment) and there is always Chewy (Boa?? Goose?? Where are you girls? Oh yea, boyfriends.) But remember Episode V??? Jaba the Hut? Han did not fare so well then. So there I am smiling and nodding and pretending like I give a shit that little Johnny is finally potty trained…remembering I can’t drink too much, Han was after all flying solo and had to be sober enough to get herself home…when I realize that I am tired of always fending for myself…I am much more fond of being Mav, flying with a wingman. Then I have an epiphany…wingmen are nice and important in life, but what I am in search of is a partner…Somebody to sit next to me at a wedding and nod and smile at these boring stories too and make fun of it all on the way home. Someone who after a while wants to be sitting next to me telling those same stories to some other poor sucker who couldn’t care less. Soooo…I decide it is important to get in the game…and not just play like I’d rather be doing something else, but play for both Park Place and Boardwalk, even with a couple of hotels. Well….Lets meet the contestants…

Bachelor # 1- He’s 34 years old and is a computer consultant who wears black square toed shoes. He likes to drink and go to concerts. He is a big fan of text messaging and he hates people.

Bachelor # 2- He’s 33 years old and designs web sites for a living. He lives in the hood in N.E., doesn’t like drinking {I know what you are all thinking, but it could work} and sometimes blows up my phone. But there is something very nice about him.

Bachelor # 3- He’s 37 years old and sells stuff. He is a James Dean look alike and enjoys making his own wine, drinking it and staying out late. In his spare time he hunts Crouse (apparently a type of bird…doesn’t bode well for the city girl). Lives in a galaxy far far away.

This is somewhat like empanelling a jury. You look for certain qualities, ask questions that probe their thoughts and feelings regarding issues that may or may not prejudice your case. Pick the ones you think are the most sympathetic and hope they don’t have to be excused for bad behavior. Afterwards…your guess is as good as mine. You never know whether a juror is going to find in your favor. Sometimes…the case is looking good. You gave a phenomenal closing argument…and at the last minute the jury has a change of heart. But, I suppose, that is all part of the game and the only way to win it is to be in it.

SOME WOULD SAY I AM CLAIRVOIANT

Ok, so here’s the deal…I was slated to go visit my very good friend in Florida this weekend (side bar: just want to say a few things about this particular friend. She is the type of person who everyone wants to be friends with…she was the cool girl in high school who you always hoped would ask you to sit next to her in the lunch room. The person who people bend over backwards to be around because she is THAT cool. She is somebody I actually never saw myself being friends with, but 5 years later here we are. And she isn’t just ANY friend. She is the one I go out of my way for, the one I change my schedule around for, the one I spend hundreds of dollars on airline tickets to go see…and I do it with no complaints, regrets, or hesitations. I might even go as far as to say she is my BEST friend, or at least one of the very few people who I would even consider giving that label…{second side bar: everyone who knows me, knows that I am not a big fan of the whole labeling of society…despite the fact that in college, I was labeled “semi-cool” by two of my roommates…now are these girls are part of the best friend crowd??? Well…not exactly, but knowing people for 15 years does stand for something…I believe the concept is called loyalty…and as previously discussed, that is exactly how Mav rolls.} Anyway, back to side bar number 1, my “new” best friend…and I only use the term new because there are people who I have been friends with since I was playing pee wee soccer at Randall Park, you know the kind, where all the kids just follow the ball in a huge swarm and the goalies have to wear those foam helmets with the holes in them. So compared to those standards this is in fact “new.” So you might be saying…”Well Mav, you seem pretty keen on her, but what does she think about you?” So what I hear you saying is… [Last side bar: that is an ode to a Professor I had in law school…her famous phrase. Just giving Catholic U a little press!] “What exactly does she do for you?” The answer is simple. She provides a no nonsense, no b/s, non-negotiable type of friendship…translation…she likes me for the person I am, inclusive of all my faults, bad habits and crazy neurosis and everyday she makes me want to be a better individual. And she is not afraid to speak up and tell me when its time to calm down. And believe me, I have really needed some of that these days. She brings out the best I have to offer as a person. We click on a fundamental human level and I have learned in life that is actually rare…So to end this side bar, I would like to say thank you to that friend and let her know how special she is to me and how happy and grateful I am that she is a part of my life.)

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming…Yes, right. Florida this weekend. So a few days ago I call my girlfriend and I say:

Mav: “You know I was thinking about canceling this trip. I am getting a bad vibe off of it, the karma just isn’t right.”
Best friend (Bf): “Noooo…why? Am I giving you that feeling? I have lots of fun things planned for us to do. There’s a party. With lots of red wine.”
Mav: {Thinking…damn, she is pulling out the tough guns…how can I say no to lots of red wine?…she knows me all too well.} “It’s just that it seems like a lot of running around for such a short period of time. I don’t want to inconvenience you.”
Bf: {Probably thinking…ok, here we go again. Why can’t you just get on the damn plane and be done with it…[Mav: Come on…give me a break. You know I sometimes need a little coddling, kisses!]} “It’s really not an inconvenience. We really want you to come…”
Mav: “O.k.”

And now…the irony of the situation? Hurricane Wilma swooped into town on Monday causing power outages, destruction and curfews…I had to cancel the trip…I knew the karma wasn’t right almost a week ago…Should I apply for a job on the psychic friends network? Why can’t I have these moments of clairvoyance when the lottery is worth $34 million? I guess it just isn’t part of my karma.